Isabela Writes Friend Fiction
by mutive
Summary: Isabela loves writing friend fiction, depicting the romantic exploits of her party members.  Unfortunately for her, Varric is a tough critic.
1. Anders

**Chapter 1: Anders**

_A/N: We all knew this would happen…_

Isabela sat at a table at the Hanged Man, scribbling down her thoughts on a piece of paper that she'd filched from a street vendor. After gossiping with Miriam today, she had the perfect plot for a new story that she just _knew_ Varric would love. She wrote:

_Anders took Bella in his scrawny, yet somehow still manly arms and said, "For the last three years, I have ached for you."_

"_Ached for you?" Bella asked, drawing back, despite that she had an urge to explore the bulge that had appeared at about groin level in Ander's robe. "Does that mean what I think it has? I mean…that's a long time for…"_

"_Well, I have found ways of taking care of it," Ander said, pouting in that cute little way he did whenever she didn't give him exactly what he wanted, such as explosives or a place to hide from the Templars in Hightown. "But I thought about you when I was doing so. Only about you. Even when I was with different men or women at the Blooming Rose, it was you who was constantly on my mind."_

"_Oh, that's so romantic!" Bella Hawke said, flinging herself into Anders' arms and moving her hand to explore the ache he had carried with him for so long. "I've ached for you too! Not quite in that way, but in a similar way I guess. I mean, sometimes I did fantasize about other people, especially the incredibly gorgeous and talented sea captain that I have in my party, who is definitely the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. And I may have considered hooking up with either of the elves, the dwarf, and have even considered Bianca's charms. But I've ached for you nonetheless!" She drew back to gaze into his eyes, his splendid amber orbs that were no longer lit up by a creepy demon of vengeance who she suspected never entirely went away, even during his most intimate endeavors. "But what doe s Justice think about all of this?"_

_Anders pouted again. "He disapproves," he said, giving her his puppy dog eyes. "It's one of the few things we don't agree on."_

"_Of me or of the ways you have of taking care of your ache?" Bella asked._

"_Both," Anders said. He groaned, the pains of a thousand terrible sufferings running through his voice. "He especially disliked it when I hired pretty male elfs at the Hanged Man and called them by your name. That seemed to distress him tremendously. More than anything else I have done to relieve my eternal suffering."_

"_Oh, that's no good," Bella said, pulling him close to her. "I don't want what we are about to do right now to upset him and make him take you over. People sometimes die when that happens. And while I am tough enough to take you on if necessary, it would certainly put a damper on our otherwise romantic and exquisite love making!"_

"_I will try to control myself," Anders said. "After all, women are not pleased by men who have no self control."_

"_This is true," Bella agreed with great passion. She looked deep into his eyes, and was excited to know that she would be with a man who was both passionate, yet lacked the control necessary for a proper hook up._

"_Besides, after the last three years, I think that Justice will find what we're about to do a relief," Anders said, kissing her intently in the way that an overly frisky mabari might lick at someone's face. "Oh, Bella…I never want to leave you!"_

"_I never want to leave you, either," Bella said, kissing him again and listening to him moan in a way that was either really erotic, or slightly tortured. She couldn't tell which. With Anders, everything was a combination of the greatest of pains and pleasures._

_Bella then pulled him to their bed, where they made out for hours and hours and hours before eventually moving on to more vigorous lovemaking. When they were done, Anders begged to move in. And Bella, not being afraid of commitment whatsoever, foolishly decided to give him the keys to her place._

Isabela put down her pen just as Varric entered the pub. She handed it to him. "So, what do you think?" she asked.

"I hate to break it to you, Rivani," Varric said. "But I think it needs some editing. I'm just not sure that an entire scene where they talk about Anders getting it on with other people is exactly a romantic idea for a story."

"But that's the best part," Isabela said. She sighed and crumpled the paper before smoothing it out again. "I don't think you understand my genius."

"Maybe not, Rivani," Varric said. "Maybe not. But perhaps you need less talk about how much he lusts after her, and more about talk about eternal love."

That did sound like a good idea, so Isabela continued with:

_After their beautiful and romantic lovemaking, Anders kissed Bella one last time before he left. "I have been dreaming of this for the last three years," he said. "And I keep fearing that I will awaken."_

"_It's not a dream, and we will never have to leave each other now," Bella said, staring into his amber eyes with endless longing. "We will be together forever and ever, no matter what. For I love you so much that I would do anything for you."_

"_I know," Anders said, and kissed her with great and glorious passion._

"Is that better?" Isabela asked, handing Varric the paper.

"It's definitely more romantic," he said with a nod . "Keep at it, and we'll have something ready to pass around in no time."


	2. Fenris

**It was a Dark and Broody Night**

_A/N: Sorry for the slow updates. I'm working on my Bang, Diplomatic Relations, Masks, and a bunch of original fiction in addition to this. I love humor, but…you know, there's so much I want to write! But I will continue this bit by bit, I promise!_

Isabela put her empty glass on the counter and ordered another. She intended to get drunk tonight and finish up her latest installation of friend fiction. A particularly appealing encounter with Fenris last night had made her eager to take his and her protagonist's relationship to the next level.

_Fenris sat, dark and brooding in the mansion, his jewel like eyes so intense that they made Bella want to wear them around her neck like some kind of demented, and yet really unique, piece of jewelry. When she approached, he paused from his melancholy that was like the deepest and most tragic of eternal miseries and gazed up at her, hoping that the magnificent and wonderful Bella would be the one thing that could sooth the dark, tormented recesses of his soul._

"_You have no idea what Hadriana did to me!" Fenris said._

_Bella listened and nodded sympathetically. The entire time, she was thinking how slender and muscled his body was, and wondering exactly how far his lyrium tattoos extended. But she pretended to pay attention, as she knew that everyone liked talking about themselves._

"_She made me do _things_. And she laughed at me," Fenris said before rising to stare intently at Bella, his dark eyebrows wriggling like two caterpillars on a tree branch. Fuzzy caterpillars, like the ones that look so cute you want to pet them, but then you touch them and realize that eww, they're bugs and kind of gross._

"_I understand," Bella said, wondering how long it would take to get him back to her bedroom so that she could relieve his brooding with the best medicine possible – hot, sensual sex._

_Unfortunately, she had to talk with Fenris about hate and angst and other boring stuff for a very long while before he was willing to get sexed up. It took so long listening to him talk about people he remembered this, and being a slave that, and other stupid stuff that eventually she got bored and threw him against the wall and kissed him passionately._

"So what do you think?" Isabela asked, passing the paper over to Varric.

Varric read what she had written and considered the words. "I think that it looks better than your last attempt," he said, shaking his head. "But I think that you may need to flesh it out a bit. And remove the caterpillar bit. No one likes to think about insects when they're having sex."

Isabela decided that she'd revise that bit later. But for now, she was feeling the inspiration so she continued to write.

_Bella pushed her groin up against Fenris', feeling him swell like an over ripe cucumber. He might not want to burden her with his life, and to be honest, she didn't really want him to get into feelings and other boring stuff like that. But the hard, rigid rod pushed up against her leg let her know that it was only a matter of time before she got what she wanted from the lanky, exotic elf._

"_Take me now!" Bella said, and he did, with great lust and some really amazing stamina. This was why Bella dated warriors. Rogues were good for what they could do with their fingers, but you just couldn't beat warriors for stamina and endurance._

_It was only after the exciting, passionate bliss was over that Bella looked up and realized that her lover had left her._

"_Where is he?" she wondered. Perhaps he just didn't like sleeping over. That would be good. Bella wasn't big on commitment herself._

_She saw him standing by the fireplace, staring at it as though the fire contained the myriad souls of his ancestors._

"_Was it that bad?" she asked. She didn't think it could have been, seeing as she was a total tigress in bed. Grrr._

"_It was better than anything I could have dreamed," Fenris said, reaffirming what Bella already knew. She was hot stuff. The only one hotter than her was that amazing sea captain who she kept hoping would get below her decks, if you know what I mean._

"_So, let's do it again!" Bella was always up for a second round. Or sometimes a third or fourth or fifth. It depended on a lot of things, including the quality of the lube she used._

_Unfortunately, rather than grab her and press her erotically into the bed, Fenris went off on some long monologue about stuff that didn't really matter. Bella tried to look interested, but had a hard time, as it was all pretty boring and exposition-y._

"You see?" Isabela said, pointing out the word "exposition-y" to Varric. "I can learn!"

"Yes, that's very good," Varric said. He nodded. "Is that where you're planning to leave it? The ending seems a little abrupt. I mean, here Bella finally hooks up with someone and he just leaves her?"

Isabela shrugged. "I don't know. I never was very good with endings."

Varric nodded. "I'd let it sit for a bit. It'll come to you."

Isabela hoped that it did, but figured that even if it didn't, she was happy with her work. She would have to show it to Marian when she got the chance. She just knew that it was the perfect reward to her for sharing all of her juicy gossip with Isabela.

_Thanks to those crazy enough to review. I'm actually trying to write more chapters thanks to you! (I guess Merrill is next? Huh…that should be interesting.) Special thanks to: Shepard Supreme, Interesting, Nithu, Leogrl, JessicaJones, Zute, rednightmare, chipperdyke, Gene_Dark, D1SS1DENT, Lehni, Enaid_Aderyn, NuitNuit, GrudgeButtons, and Herr_Wozzeck._


End file.
